self-talk ...
You glanced over the headline and text and you said to yourself „Interesting", „what's it about?", „Should I read it?" or something of that nature. We all have voices in our heads from time to time. Hearing internal voices is a natural part of our being.
It is my conviction that positive/constructive self-talk goes by unnoticed because it usually elicits positive emotions.
It is the negative self-talk that causes us trouble. Self-talk such as" You are no good; "You messed up „You can't do that." and so on.
Usually when people have negative self-talk like that it doesn't feel good. And when people don't feel good it often leads to all sorts of behaviors that are not very useful.
Negative self-talk can cause all sorts of disorders. It also has a negative impact on the decision-making process which can often lead to ineffective behavior in particular situations and thus have a negative impact on the result.
Any internal talk leads to internal visual images which leads to certain emotions. And emotions have a direct impact on behavior and action. Behavior/ action will impact the result. And as a result of that, we adapt beliefs about ourselves and about what we can accomplish.
To cope with negative self-talk people often try to fight it, deny it, suppress it. Or they try to argue with it. Or they try to override it with something positive ... only to find out the negative self-talk persists.
That doesn't work very well.
So learning how to deal with or change negative self-talk can be useful.
The above examples fall into the „dealing with the content" category.
There is another way to deal with the negative self-talk. I want to share with you a few ways how to deal with the process. Not what the voice says or who says it but how it says it.
Let me give you an example of what I mean. Think of a voice that gives you trouble right now in your life. Listen to that voice for a moment. Now as you hear that voice notice:
- Location - where is that voice coming from? Is it coming from behind? Is it coming from the inside out? Notice which way the voice is pointed. Is the voice pointed toward you or away from you? Notice where in your body is voice located. Now change the direction or location and notice how your feelings change.
- Volume - loudness is a very powerful element. Turn the volume down and notice the change in the intensity of the emotions. Or turn the volume up and notice the change.
- Tempo - experiment with the speed of the voice. Make it go fast. Or make it go slower as if you were about to fall asleep.
- Tonality - change pitch, timbre, melody, accent, pause, and so on.
- Music/ Song - this one is fun and very effective. Find a silly tune or song and replace the song's words with negative self-talk. Notice how your mood changes.
- A cartoon character- we all have a cartoon character that makes us laugh. Have him say the negative words to you and see what happens.
These are some of the ways of how to deal with the negative self-talk.
The client might sometimes feel reluctant to share more details about the issue such as what the voice says, who is talking (boss, spouse...) the situation, and so on. The added value of working with the process instead of content is maintaining the client's confidentiality.
